Do you find that you are always ‘needed’ by others or that you end up being the agony aunt for everyone whether to planned to or not?
Do you also find that when you help these people, you get sucked into their drama or that you get overwhelmed by their needs with your needs getting lost? Ever find that you often get taken advantage of or just taken for granted? These are all very common issues when you are the healer and want to help others.
You are a healer and an empath and generally you care too much, taking other people’s issues on your shoulders! Nurses cannot take their patients home with them nor can vets, the healer cannot take others issues on personally either, it is a tough lesson to learn but a very valuable one, so let’s look at this issue in more depth:
Healers come in all shapes and sizes, it is not just about putting bandages on people, I always say that bar staff and waiting staff are healers, they will end up listening to client’s woes and trying to do or say something to uplift them. Generally speaking, healers are empaths too which comes with a host of issues!
An empath ‘feels’ the pain of those around them, whether physically – I do when giving Reiki, many of my Reiki students do too – or in many cases the empath will feel their mood or energy change depending on those around them. All empaths are like a weather barometer, they respond to another person’s mood, it may be that the empath is in a perfectly good mood, only to walk into a room of colleagues moaning and saying how awful their weekend was, letting off steam about a family member or a situation, the empath will now be brought down energetically to match those people and their mood. The reverse is true too, if the empath is feeling flat and then find themselves with people all celebrating, their mood will lift and they will get a high! I believe that some of the people diagnosed as ‘bi-polar- are more likely very sensitive empaths.
So, you are a healer and an empath and whether you want to help a person or not you get drawn in to their needs, you are the candle, they are the moth drawn to your energy. That does not mean that everyone else owns you or that your own needs get shelved.
Here’s a few ways to ensure you can be the healer you love being, without you taking a hit by doing so:
Healing Those Who Are Not Ready to Be Healed – Some people think they are ready to be healed, this is not always the case! Mad huh? I always say to my Reiki students, you will have clients who cannot be healed, not because you are not a good healer but because the person does not want to be healed, even though they may say they do. Think about a person who lives on their own or is neglected by immediate family, they may have a bad back that people always ask about or a condition where people ask about how they’re feeling frequently, this gives the person attention, they may enjoy the attention they get from people asking about them, in this event they can hang on to the condition because they fear that people won’t continue to give them the attention and so they will be lonely or emotionally bereft. They may not consciously be hanging on to it but the subconscious is responsible for 95% of what we do and say. This is the healer’s hardest learning curve, because we want to heal everyone!
Grounding – Ensure that every morning you ground yourself as soon as you get up, you can visualise yourself as a mighty oak tree with your feet having roots which extend from the soles of your feet and down in to the earth as the tree roots. Your body is the trunk and your arms are the branches. Really feel the earth among your toes, get that sense of being rock solid, secure and grounded. If you are not very good at visualisation, I have a downloadable meditation you can try instead.
Protecting – Ensure you have protected yourself energetically and psychically as soon as you get up, there are various methods but putting yourself in a bubble or visualising mirrors around you work well. If you feel they have slipped at any point in the day re-visualise it and get your shields back up. If you know you are meeting someone who drains the life out of you, do it just before you are seeing them just to reinforce your protective shields.
Boundaries – Have boundaries, it is essential that you do not allow people to take more than you are willing and able to give, some people will always take more if you let them. It is ok to say no, you don’t have to always say yes then leap in to help them. I have a great way of saying no, I don’t give them a reason, if you give a reason or excuse, they have something to argue with. ‘I can’t help you right now as I’m tired’ will most likely get a ‘oh it won’t take much time, I really need your help’ or if you say something like ‘I’m a bit busy, can we do it another time’ then you’ll probably get a response like ‘oh but it is really important and I just need 5 minutes’ we all know it will be longer! So, don’t give a reason why you can’t do what is being asked of you! If I tell people it is my day off they respond with ‘oh yes, but it’s really urgent and it’s just one reading’ but if I say yes to one, I’ll end up booking more in and then my day off has been hijacked or it may just be I’m tired and need a break from doing readings and listening to other people’s problems. I’m too nice so I’ve had to develop a strategy to make sure my needs are met too.
Energy – Recharge your batteries regularly, doing things you love; time with family, gardening, meditating, cooking, exercising, reading, music etc. Clear quartz crystals are also good for boosting energy, if you have a go to crystal for energy, stick it in your bra, pocket or in your handbag.
Avoid Negativity – Where possible, avoid negative people, there are times when there will be some negative talk but it’s the persistent, draining kind that is no good for you. Is there a moaning Minnie in the office? Is there a family member who just wants to call you and moan about their problems but never seems to do anything about it? Those are the ones to back off from. You may want to invest in some crystals or crystal jewellery that disperses negativity; smoky quartz, black tourmaline, haematite and the other black/dark brown crystals will all do that. If you have an issue at home or in the workplace, Blutack some crystals around the door jamb, it acts as a neutraliser when negative people walk in, the negativity may be their condition rather than them talking in a negative way, either way you don’t want it left behind in your space.
Tough love – This is a really difficult task for the healer and the empath; knowing when to step back or just not offering your help in the first place. Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. If we constantly bail people out, they just learn that they will get bailed out, that they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions. It’s harsh but with some people it is the only way and if they can’t get it from you, they will go find another healer that is not as strong, and who will give to them, they often don’t care who helps them as long as they can stay in victim mode.
Empowerment – Help the person by giving them your advice then leave them to take action, we don’t have to save people by doing it ourselves. Also, sometimes people just need support or the right words to make them feel confident, so give them those words and step back. Once empowered they are more likely to work on other issues too.
Knight in Shining Armour – It is not a bad thing to learn to discern who wants help to help themselves versus those who want you to save them by doing it for them! They are looking for the knight in shining armour or the magician to wave their wand and make it right, they are missing the point that they grow through learning. Remember, they agreed to this life and the potentials it held, you have your own life path, purpose and contracts to deal with! If you did someone’s homework for them, how has that helped them?
Remember; If you were flying a plane with everyone you cared about onboard, and those oxygen masks came down, would you put yours on first or theirs?
If you answered THEIRS, then you are all dead! If you said MINE then you have saved everyone because the oxygen will revive them. The moral of this story is that sometimes we as healers need to look after our self so we can help others, we are no good to anyone if we make ourselves ill or if we are dead!
Gratitude – Finally, you need to learn to enjoy helping others, even when there seems to be no gratitude! Your emotional response to seeing your help making a difference is often thanks enough, although a hearty thanks is always appreciated, not from a place of ego but because it is nice when someone you have helped recognises that fact.
Personal Growth – Sometimes we are meant to help a person or people because of the growth our soul gets from it, regardless of your help being successful, sometimes what feels like a failure will bring the most growth. You may learn that you don’t wish to repeat something or that you need to do it differently next time. It may even bring other people or opportunities into your life, so check out the bigger picture.